Reflections on turning 32…

On May 8th I celebrated my 32nd birthday missionary style in Miami airport coming back from the USA to Bolivia. This year it was particularly hard because my family (wife and 4 children) were all in the US traveling and I needed to come back to Bolivia and watch over our church.

This has seemed to become the custom because the year before I celebrated my birthday in the airport in Chile. So I guess you could say that I have found a number of things to do while I have been waiting for flights (If you ever need a good place to eat or the best place to get an internet connection in a South America airport just let me know).

I do not know if you are like me but many times when it comes close to my birthday I get into this stage of evaluating my life. Sometimes it only last a few days. Other times more. This time it has taken a little longer then in the past. Basically it has been a sort of crock-pot type processing for about a two years since I turned 30.

The reason why is because when I was twenty years old I sat down and wrote myself a letter where I wrote down the different things that I wanted to accomplish in my life before I turned 40 (I know, I had read far too many future planning books but I guess that is who I am). Shortly before I turned 30 I opened the letter just to see how I was doing. Also I could hardly remember some of the things that I had written down. When I read the contents of the letter it was the most shocking thing that I think I have ever experienced in my life up to that point because I noticed that the majority of things that I had on my list I had already accomplish!!!

Now I know some of you may be thinking that is wonderful but for me that was shocking and even boarding scary. Here I was sitting down, reading a letter for my 20 year plan and after 10 years now all of a sudden I was face to face with reality. What am I going to do now? God, now what??? It is like going to the grocery store and picking out a cart full of groceries and then realizing that you left your only form of payment in the house (at least that how it was for me).

So for the last year I have been in this state of “what do I do now?” What should I do for the next 20 years? Over the last year I have been writing some things down about what I would like to accomplish in the coming years but what has been the most interesting is the way that my desires have changed. How my priorities have changed. How my reason for existing has changed.

Here are a few of my observations about my goals from when I was 20 to now that I am 30:

1. When I was 20 my goals were what I could accomplish but now that I am 30 my goals are how I can help other. Somewhere along the road, I do not know exactly when or where it happened, I decided helping others was infinitely more rewarding then anything I could have achieved personally.

2. My goals when I was 20 were to do more and accomplish more where now that I am 30 my goals are to do less. I guess I learned something over this ten year stretch and I am surprised that I took me so long to learn it. I can not do everything good. So the things that I do good I do and the things that I do not do good I do not do. At least it makes sense to me J

3. My goals when I was 20 were to acquire things for myself where now that I am 30 I want to give everything away. I am so much less attached to things then I was before. Not that we do not want nice things, simple that we do not need them to feel good about ourselves.

4. My thoughts when I was 20 was that I knew a lot but now that I am 30 I feel that I am just starting. I guess the saying is true if you want to know something ask a young person while they still know everything. Now that I am a little older I feel like I do not know as much as I once did (to tell you the truth I do not want to know as much as well).

5. When I was 20 my goals were to do more things internationally but now that I am 30 my goals are to do more locally. A few years ago I remember when I would travel and minister at every invitation that I had but now I have started to see the value of staying put and ministering to the same people. Now I only travel if I have to and sometimes not even then. Plus it is hard being away from my family for that long.

6. When I was 20 my goals were to do more to impact many people on a large scale but now that I am 30 my goal is to pour my life into to a few people. Years ago I was only happy if I was able to help many people on a large scale but now I am more then content pouring my life into a few people. It is like I can see the fruit more clearly.

7. My goals when I was 30 was to do something big for God and now that I am 30 my goal is to just obey God. Personally I do not care as much as before the scale of what I do as long as God is pleased with me. If I obeyed Him then I can rest at night comfortably.

I can not really say what these next few years will have in store for me but I will say that I sure am enjoying them more. That does not mean that they have not been hard work. I do not think that I have worked harder in my life. But I think I like the DaRonn that I am becoming. So 20 year old DaRonn wrote a letter to 30 year old DaRonn about goals and got corrected in the process. Maybe this time it would be better if 40 year old DaRonn wrote 30 year old DaRonn giving him his advice (I know, I know it is far too deep for a blog).